Season One, Episode One
Original Airdate: August 26, 1994
Writer: Winnie Holzman
Director: Scott Winant
Executive Producers: Marshall Herskovitz, Edward Zwick
Cast: Claire Danes, Bess Armstrong, A.J. Langer, Wilson
Cruz
“You agree to be a certain personality or something for no reason. Just to make things easier for someone. But when you think bout it, how do you know it’s even you?”
This is the same question just about every teenager asks
him or herself, and here it’s articulated by Angela Chase (Claire Danes) in a
voice that helped to define an entire generation of teenagers. I remember in
high school when we did a special edition of our newspaper focusing on our
generation, the cover featured Danes’ unreadable face staring out at us. Angela
is the person we all see part of ourselves in, pretty or not. We fall deeply,
madly, fully in love with her over the course of the pilot of “My So-Called
Life,” which is a huge accomplishment because, at times, we don’t like her very
much at all.
At first glance, Angela is your “average” high school
student in just about every way. She’s not too popular but not unpopular. She’s
pretty but isn’t getting too many glances from the boys. She is part of a few
clubs but not the head of any. She doesn’t make fashion statements. She has had
the same best friend since who-know-when. Sickened by this life and this world
she has created for herself, Angela begins to change. She tries new things,
like a haircut and red dye job. She drops her best friend in favor of two
edgier, crazier cats named Rayanne (A.J. Langer) and Rickie (Wilson Cruz). She
quits yearbook. She alienates her parents, in particular her mother (Bess
Armstrong). And yet it doesn’t make her any happier. So who is she, really? The
question is left beautifully and brilliantly up in the air as the pilot fades
to black.
Winnie Holzman wrote the episode, and was unafraid to
show us all the dark, shallow, stupid sides to Angela’s personality as well.
She doesn’t think “The Diary of Anne Frank” is so tragic – after all, the girl
is stuck in an attic with a cute boy for a few years. And when Holzman cuts
from Angela’s point-of-view, we get some real insight into how her
mid-quarter-life-crisis is affecting those around her. Her mom is depressed by
Angela’s actions and demeanor, finally admitting to her husband, “She loves you
more and I accept it,” even though what mother ever could? Angela’s immaturity
is even more underlined in a fight she has with her former best friend Sharon
(Devon Odessa). You see, Angela never had a conversation with Sharon to explain
her newfound rebel status – she simply stopped talking to her, which hurt
Sharon deeply. When Sharon confronts her and begs to know what she did wrong,
Angela can only respond, “It’s not like that! It’s not just one thing!” as her
excuse, which infuriates Sharon even more, and rightfully so.
And yet, we continue to love Angela. Because who among
us doesn’t wonder what would happen if we just changed our life one day, out of
the blue? Because many of her thoughts, while shallow, are also surprisingly
sharp and insightful. Like this one:
“My parents keep asking how school was. It’s like saying
‘How was that drive-by shooting?’ You don’t care how it was. You’re lucky to
get out alive.”
She speaks for us in ways we can’t quite articulate. She
pays attention and notes the small stuff that sounds silly but takes up so many
of our thoughts. You have a feeling that she will, indeed, discover who she is
and turn out more than alright in the end, even if her taste in men at the
present time leaves a lot to be desired.
Holzman’s writing is consistently excellent throughout
the episode…hell, throughout the entire series. Because Angela is so quiet with
most of the people in her world, Holzman provides us with ample voiceover, but
not the overwritten, faux-insightful dialogue you’d see on most other
television shows. This voiceover sounds exactly how Angela sounds when she
speaks, full of stutter-steps and silly observations that perfectly reflect her
personality. In addition, Holzman gives us amazing voiceover descriptions of
the supporting cast of characters. For example, here’s her summation of her
first true “love” Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto):
“He’s always closing his eyes, like it hurts to look at things.”
And here’s how Angela describes Rayanne:
“Rayanne always knows who is going to be there.”
She doesn’t tick off personality traits or types.
Instead, Holzman provides viewers with the smallest of details and lets the
viewer fill in the rest of the information himself. And, in many ways, isn’t
that better than being spoon-fed how to feel about a character? What can you
read into “He’s a brooding, soulful ne’er-do-well” anyway? What does that really
tell you about the object of Angela’s affection?
It’s extremely rare for a television show to have a
“perfect” season. By that I don’t mean flawless, I mean a season in which every
episode is indispensible, beautifully rendered and emotional resonant. I think
of the second season of “Gilmore Girls,” the third season of “Friday Night Lights,” the first season of “The Good Wife,” and the entirety of “My So-Called
Life.” The show lasted for only a single season of nineteen episodes, and each
is like a master class in writing, acting and direction, even the silly
Halloween and Christmas episodes that involved ghosts and guardian angels. Each
one deserves a column on this blog (and I’m sure a few others will), and in
some ways I’m happy that there isn’t a whole bunch of closure at the end of the
show, because that wouldn’t be honest. In life, so few things get the nice
little bow on it, and there’s often rarely a defining moment where a person
realizes who he or she “really” is. Instead, we are left with the question
posed by the pilot still unanswered. Who is Angela Chase? Every time I sit down
to view the series, I think I know, but then she always manages to surprise me.
