Season One, Episode One
Original Airdate: August 26, 1994
Writer: Winnie Holzman
Director: Scott Winant
Executive Producers: Marshall Herskovitz, Edward Zwick
Cast: Claire Danes, Bess Armstrong, A.J. Langer, Wilson Cruz
“You agree to be a certain personality or something for no reason. Just to make things easier for someone. But when you think bout it, how do you know it’s even you?”
This is the same question just about every teenager asks him or herself, and here it’s articulated by Angela Chase (Claire Danes) in a voice that helped to define an entire generation of teenagers. I remember in high school when we did a special edition of our newspaper focusing on our generation, the cover featured Danes’ unreadable face staring out at us. Angela is the person we all see part of ourselves in, pretty or not. We fall deeply, madly, fully in love with her over the course of the pilot of “My So-Called Life,” which is a huge accomplishment because, at times, we don’t like her very much at all.
At first glance, Angela is your “average” high school student in just about every way. She’s not too popular but not unpopular. She’s pretty but isn’t getting too many glances from the boys. She is part of a few clubs but not the head of any. She doesn’t make fashion statements. She has had the same best friend since who-know-when. Sickened by this life and this world she has created for herself, Angela begins to change. She tries new things, like a haircut and red dye job. She drops her best friend in favor of two edgier, crazier cats named Rayanne (A.J. Langer) and Rickie (Wilson Cruz). She quits yearbook. She alienates her parents, in particular her mother (Bess Armstrong). And yet it doesn’t make her any happier. So who is she, really? The question is left beautifully and brilliantly up in the air as the pilot fades to black.
Winnie Holzman wrote the episode, and was unafraid to show us all the dark, shallow, stupid sides to Angela’s personality as well. She doesn’t think “The Diary of Anne Frank” is so tragic – after all, the girl is stuck in an attic with a cute boy for a few years. And when Holzman cuts from Angela’s point-of-view, we get some real insight into how her mid-quarter-life-crisis is affecting those around her. Her mom is depressed by Angela’s actions and demeanor, finally admitting to her husband, “She loves you more and I accept it,” even though what mother ever could? Angela’s immaturity is even more underlined in a fight she has with her former best friend Sharon (Devon Odessa). You see, Angela never had a conversation with Sharon to explain her newfound rebel status – she simply stopped talking to her, which hurt Sharon deeply. When Sharon confronts her and begs to know what she did wrong, Angela can only respond, “It’s not like that! It’s not just one thing!” as her excuse, which infuriates Sharon even more, and rightfully so.
And yet, we continue to love Angela. Because who among us doesn’t wonder what would happen if we just changed our life one day, out of the blue? Because many of her thoughts, while shallow, are also surprisingly sharp and insightful. Like this one:
“My parents keep asking how school was. It’s like saying ‘How was that drive-by shooting?’ You don’t care how it was. You’re lucky to get out alive.”
She speaks for us in ways we can’t quite articulate. She pays attention and notes the small stuff that sounds silly but takes up so many of our thoughts. You have a feeling that she will, indeed, discover who she is and turn out more than alright in the end, even if her taste in men at the present time leaves a lot to be desired.
Holzman’s writing is consistently excellent throughout the episode…hell, throughout the entire series. Because Angela is so quiet with most of the people in her world, Holzman provides us with ample voiceover, but not the overwritten, faux-insightful dialogue you’d see on most other television shows. This voiceover sounds exactly how Angela sounds when she speaks, full of stutter-steps and silly observations that perfectly reflect her personality. In addition, Holzman gives us amazing voiceover descriptions of the supporting cast of characters. For example, here’s her summation of her first true “love” Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto):
“He’s always closing his eyes, like it hurts to look at things.”
And here’s how Angela describes Rayanne:
“Rayanne always knows who is going to be there.”
She doesn’t tick off personality traits or types. Instead, Holzman provides viewers with the smallest of details and lets the viewer fill in the rest of the information himself. And, in many ways, isn’t that better than being spoon-fed how to feel about a character? What can you read into “He’s a brooding, soulful ne’er-do-well” anyway? What does that really tell you about the object of Angela’s affection?
It’s extremely rare for a television show to have a “perfect” season. By that I don’t mean flawless, I mean a season in which every episode is indispensible, beautifully rendered and emotional resonant. I think of the second season of “Gilmore Girls,” the third season of “Friday Night Lights,” the first season of “The Good Wife,” and the entirety of “My So-Called Life.” The show lasted for only a single season of nineteen episodes, and each is like a master class in writing, acting and direction, even the silly Halloween and Christmas episodes that involved ghosts and guardian angels. Each one deserves a column on this blog (and I’m sure a few others will), and in some ways I’m happy that there isn’t a whole bunch of closure at the end of the show, because that wouldn’t be honest. In life, so few things get the nice little bow on it, and there’s often rarely a defining moment where a person realizes who he or she “really” is. Instead, we are left with the question posed by the pilot still unanswered. Who is Angela Chase? Every time I sit down to view the series, I think I know, but then she always manages to surprise me.